Original Hall Of Fame

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The Original Hall Of Fame (Archived Good Bastards)

Only the most bastardly of Good Bastards reach the pinnacle of being inducted into the Good Bastards Hall of Fame.

Review these Good Bastards below.

Know a particularly great bastard?
Nominate someone for the Hall of Fame.


Peter O’Connor
Inducted August 8, 2006

This week we honour Peter O’Connor from Hornby in Christchurch. Peter has been one of our key contributors over the last twelve months and Peter has sent many of the yarns, cartoons and photos in that we enjoy each week.

Peter has lead an active role in civic duties having been actively involved in Jaycees working his way up the ranks to District Governor for the Canterbury West Coast region. Then when he hit the magic age of wisdom, he joined the Wigram Lions.
He started life in the work force as an apprentice and after a while got the shits with that and mate said join the railways.
Twenty two years later he is still there driving one of those whopping big 85 tonne Forklifts. This big sucker stacks 40 foot containers five high.
Peter use to be a Speights man, and then he discovered Good Bastards Dark and the chemically brewed Speights has lost another customer and we have gained a loyal client.
Good on you Peter. Heres to you and your partner Rose. May the path ahead be a great one.
Cheers.


Peter and Anna Campion
Inducted August 8, 2006

Peter and Anna Campion are a couple of real Good Bastards. They support Good Bastards to the hilt and its only fitting that they are recognised for their efforts.

Remember when we ran the contest for the number seven Good Bastards exclusive Ruby Jersey. You had to get folk signed up in The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards. Well Peter snared it from under the nose of Rachel Teen. Great effort.

Mind you it should be said that Anna has her hands full keeping him on the pace.

Peter has been a Male Nurse, work with them long enough – twenty some bloody thing years or more. Now I didn’t say this and I don’t think its true. But one of his mates said, “You know what they say, if you work with someone long enough you finish up like em” Of course the spin is, that could be equally parlayed to the bloke giving the comment.

Peter is a very keen Whitebaiter, he doesn’t catch a lot because he hasn’t quite perfected a new technique yet, but he is working on it. Apparently it involves jumping in the river with the whitebait and swimming with them into the net. I’m sure it’ll be a great idea when it’s perfected, and if one can do that, Pete’s the man.

He is an avid fan of 4 wheelers, and has a u beaut Yamaha Kodiac. You would have seen it on the Sixty Minutes program on Good Bastards. Peter is Barry Wilson’s right hand man for this weekends Good Bastards Four Wheel Muster. He has been doing a lot of the legwork and will be a vital part of making the whole thing a rip roaring success.

Barry and Peter did a ride on the weekend to check out the track and it is in tip top condition.

Well heres to you Peter and Anna. Two of the Top Gun Good Bastards.


Durham and Lorraine Havill
Inducted August 8, 2006

Every community has them those people that shine. Those folk who, right or wrong, take a stand and push forward. It is those that start doing this when they are young and have the intestinal fortitude to keep pressing on regardless of the opposition, that the history books are written about.

Well Durham and Lorraine Havill are two of those Good Bastards.

He has stuck his head to the wind, hung over the front of the boat, exposed their whole life up for ridicule and that end of the day the jury is in and he has been judged one of the finest Good Bastards you could ever get.

Where do these Good Bastards hail from?

Right in the heartland of Good Bastards Country “The mighty, the indestructible West Coast of the South Island” Where men are men and the women are most appreciative.

Durham is an ex-mayor of Westland and arguably the best the Mayor the Coast or elsewhere has ever had. He shots a mean golf ball and when he is missing without leave, well I’m not saying anything here.

The Havills are successful farmers and now are actively building a dynamic Freight Company employing over forty people called Aratuna Freighters.

Heres to the both of you!


Mal Garrod
Inducted August 8, 2006

You’ve read about him in Good Bastards, the larrikins guide to success. Some of you have met him at the Good Bastards Day at the Southland Hotel Hokitika last year. I have known him since 1966 and he was one of only four mates I had at my wedding. He was the one responsible for me getting married with a black eye although he didn’t give it too me. (You’ll read about that in the seventh bastard in the forthcoming sequel to ‘The Larrikins Guide To Success’)

Mal and I worked together for a while on the Snowy Mountain Scheme in Australia. We had some tremendous times, great times also in Sydney before and after the stint on the snowy.

We lost touch with one another in about 1975 and then lo and behold he pops up at last years Good Bastards Day.

It certainly won’t be the last, I know where the bastard is now and so a session or two will be forthcoming in the not too distance future.

Heres to you Mal and the many good times we shared and those that are yet to be.


Barry and Judy Wilson
Inducted August 8, 2006

You have read about Barry in the book Good Bastards, the larrikins guide to Success. He was the bloke that walked off the job in a sawmill in South Westland and picked up a couple of Hitchhikers and took them to Franz. Of course nothing happened, Bloody Leo.

It was a few years later that Barry met up with Judy and they did the deed and were married. Nearly as long as others herein mentioned.

I first met Barry when I was about 11 and we played in the South Westland schoolboys Rugby team. A massive honour back in those days.

We worked in a couple of sawmills together including the famous Levetts Mill in Hari Hari. Barry is one of the three on the cover of the Good Bastards book shooting up the dunny. You will be able to recognise which one is Barry from the photo.

Barry and Judy and their two sons own and operate the Glass Factory in Hokitika. A very successful tourist attraction. If you’re in the area, go in and make yourself known as another Good Bastard. Barry is currently putting together a Good Bastards Event involving four-wheel bikes. More on that in a future issue. You would have seen him on the Good Bastards sixty minutes program roaring around with Peter Campion and myself up in the bush and hills back of Hokitika.

Heres to you, Barry and Judy. A couple of great Good Bastards

Cheers.


Bill and Marion Savage
Inducted August 8, 2006

Bill Savage has been around since before Adam, his wife is much younger. They have been great supporters of Good Bastards. Bill has been the manger of the big Mill south of Hokitika at Ruatapu. He successfully bridged the gap from native milling in the place into Pine. Not only that they have been able to increase production to a second shift. Now that really is something. Sadly Bill and Marion are leaving the West Coast and moving to Waimate in South Canterbury where Bill will take on a new challenge also within the timber industry.

No doubt Bill and Marion will further the cause of Good Bastards in that region. Its virgin territory down there as far members in The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards. I’m sure that Bill and Marion will change by responding to the challenge. They are a couple of real Good Bustards to have a beer with and while away an hour or six.

Heres to your admission into the Good Bastards Hall Of Fame and all the best with your new challenge.

As it was heard said; “They’ll Be Back.


Wayne and Judy Chapman
Inducted August 8, 2006

It’s a bloody shame really that some of these blokes never take there wives out. If they did I would be able to get a photo of them as well. Case in point is Steve McQueen Look-alike Wayne Chapman who has yet to be caught out with his wife.

Mores the shame by she is a good-looking woman. Wayne, also known as Chappie, is an ardent supporter of Good Bastards and his name appears in here from time to time for his contribution or witty comment. Long time Residents of Brisbane; Wayne and Judy have a building business although Judy is more involved in the education system and Wayne belts in the nails.

Wayne has a reputation of being a bloody good builder and the best of my knowledge nothing he has built has fallen down.

Wayne told me once that, he was not an alcoholic, they go to meetings. One of the more famous things he was heard to say was in the bomb shelter, under the storey bridge; “If the barman appears blurred, its because you are seeing him through the bottom of your glass and its time for you to shout ya bastard.”

Good on ya Wayne and Judy, heres a toast to the thirst that’s yet to come.

Cheers!


Mike King
Inducted August 8, 2006

Celebrity head, and what a bloody head it is, Mike King has cracked the big time making it to the Good Bastards Hall of Fame.

Mike can been spotted on various TV shows around NZ spinning his views on … well, just about anything.

You can even see him on the game of two halves advertising Good Bastards by wearing his no 13 Good Bastards Jersey. (Have you ordered yours yet?)

As Mike said to me once, “How can I have a decent conversation when you keep talking.”

Drawing on my fine command of the intellect and language I said nothing. Here are a few of Mike thoughts on life. Luck, yes of course I believe in Luck, how else do my enemies succeed. What would have happened if Noah had missed the boat?

If all things are possible, how come you can’t unscramble scrambled eggs?

Trying to teach a pig to sing is a waste of time and it annoys the hell out of the pig.

Good onya Mike, thanks for your support and welcome to The Good Bastards Hall Of Fame. You have finally made it.


Peter and Jude Jones
Inducted August 8, 2006

Pete said, “Don’t mention the Zundapp.” So I won’t. When I first met this good bastard he was like me, had been roped into giving up a week of the August School Holidays when we were kids and go to the convent and learn catechism with the nuns for a week. Riveting stuff, just what 7 to 10 year olds needed, or so we were told by those that knew better than us.

Peter of course was a star pupil, he knew the answers, I never even knew the questions.

We meet up again when he got his first job delivering telegrams (What the hell is a telegram) on his mophead. Hughie Little and Pete use to think they were the ducks guts riding around on these 49 cc things. Then Mike Agnew came along with the single cylinder 350 cc BSA and blew them away. Mike was delivering two telegrams to their one and still only getting four pound ten a week for doing so and using three times the petrol. Bloody Post Office bastards!

These 49 cc things had a ring to them similar to a tanked up invisible mosquito buzzing around your head in the dark.

Now day Peter and Jude have a couple of farms in the lush Kokatahi Valley. Having served his apprenticeship on the Z’s and perhaps with a bit of influence from Jude the Jones have moved up to bigger toys.

Some sort of Flash BMW motor bike can now be found resting up against a couple of hay bales with a tarpaulin covering it up at the Jones homestead. Nestled up next to Pete’s main car a Model T. He can be found on Good Bastards day holding up the bar and a bottle of Good Bastards beer while passing comments to the TV reporters on what a feral bitch a certain Prime Minister is.

Heres to you Peter and Judy, coupla real good bastards.


Steve Flynn
Inducted August 8, 2006

Now here is a bit of a revelation. Steve Flynn is Not Steve Flynn. He is better known as Paddy. Now it gets worse… He is not even Irish. You know the old story; there are two types of people out there, The Irish and those who would like to be. Well Steve/Paddy is in the latter category. His real name is Stephen Patrick Flynn and has been called Paddy since he was about ten.

He actually come from Chelsea in England and is a bit of a Posh Bastard. He is involved with stuffing around with Intellectual Property and other poncy stuff.

In amongst all this he is a bit of real Good Bastard. He has a great sense of humour and keeps us chocker with good Irish Gags and other material for the site.

We all benefit from your regular contributions.

Congratulations on being admitted to the Hall Of Fame. Keep all the good stuff coming.

Cheers Paddy.


Warren Lucinsky and Sally Allen
Inducted August 8, 2006

These guys are from the Avoca Hotel in Upokongaro, Wanganui New Zealand. For those of us that don’t have a map or haven’t been there its 10 ks up the Wanganui River in the North Island New Zealand. It’s the home of the first Good Bastards Day outside of the West Coast.

Warren and Sally have been Hosts at the Avoca for about 4 months now. Before that Sally was a hairdresser and Warren travelled New Zealand selling amusement games, jukeboxes and pool tables to the hospitality industry. So they’ve both got the “gift of the gab”!

They have a keen interest in just about anything that is fun, including being real good bastards, every day. They both enjoy taking the odd punt on the horses, entertaining till the drink has run out (or the guests have passed out) looking after and refurbishing their new pub.

They have been keen supporters of Good Bastards Beer since it kicked off and are keen to be part of the early history of what will be a long and eventful trail to bringing a new dimension into the drinking habits of all Good Bastards.

Welcome to The Hall Of Fame, I toast your good health now and I will do it again soon in the bar of the Good Bastards Avoca Hotel.


Neil and Renata Blanchfield
Inducted August 8, 2006

Neil and Renata run a company called Great Events in Christchurch. They have recently run the World Masters Swimming Champs and are about to start the World Fireman’s Games with firemen from all over the world. There is even one chap coming who was in all three buildings that collapsed at on September 11th 2001.

They recently won the right to host the World Masters Basketball Games. Neil also was the festival director for the 1995 Golden Oldies World Rugby Festival. Renata also was heavily involved as well. They ran the Paralymic World swimming Champs 1998.

The world Wheel Chair Games in 1999. They did such a good job they have been given it again in 2003.

Renata was PA to the CEO of the Canterbury Rugby Union for four years, prior to that she worked with Neil running Touch Foot in New Zealand.

So we are very privileged to this degree of talent and support with Neil as the New Zealand President of Good Bastards Rugby Club and hails from Greymouth on the mighty west Coast, one of 11 Good Bastards, and son of Paddy and Ann Blanchfield.

Paddy Blanchfield was the West Coast Member of Parliament for 18 years.


James Hay
Inducted August 8, 2006

Before I get into this little discourse on old James here, he’s forty this week for crying out loud and when you’re that age, you think you’re old. Same as when you were four. It is important to note that James won’t see this until this Saturday at his birthday, unless one of you rotten bastards reading this goes and tells him.

All I can say is that Nugget, the footy coach out of the new book, will get his bolt cutters around your balls if you even think it.

James is married to the devoted Bernadette and they both hail from Cromwell having meandered up from Dunedin seven years ago. He is the local watchmaker. They had been together twelve years to the day on the day they got married. Now that’s a nice bit of tidy bookkeeping for you.

He tends to put up this persona as being a bit of a quiet bastard, preferring the background rather than the limelight. Those that know him know that this is a bit of a front, give him a couple of Good Bastards and the old verbal diarrhoea kicks in and he’s bullshitting his heart to anyone that will listen, even a post.

Someone close to him bought him a bib once that said Bull Shit Bib, just to catch the drips as they were buggering up all his good shirts.

He has a great personal philosophy on life, which tends to orientate around a few simple points. Misery loves company and why do today what you can put off until tomorrow and do you really need to have an excuse to have a beer!!!!!

He doesn’t believe in giving flowers, as the bastards die, preferring instead to draw them and fax them to cheer up a bad day a particular person might be having.

He drinks his own home brew as well as Good Bastards Beer, is an avid member of the black powder shooters club and is one of their most social shooters.

Heres to you James, welcome to the Good Bastards Hall of Fame, I look forward to one day having a beer with you and wiping the drips off your chin.

Cheers!


Bill Craddock
Inducted August 8, 2006

Bill Cradock was on the field for the full game on the day of the Good Bastard World Cup. Bill has the Caltex Service Station near the Christchurch Airport.

Before that he operated Cradock’s Service Station and Cradock Transport in Westport.

Bill has had a long association with Rugby, he is a life member of the White Star Club in Westport he has been on the Buller Rugby Union and his Dad no less was the President of the New Zealand Rugby Union.

Bill put in a valiant game at the Good bastards Rugby world Cup and his red shorts signify he has certain privileges on the field.

Here’s to you Bill, you’re a gentleman and it was a pleasure meeting you.

Cheers!


Ian and Margaret Black
Inducted August 8, 2006

Haven’t got a picture of Margaret, bit of a shame really as she is far better looking than Ian.

Margret is the pick of the two, so we will let her off the hook. Now Ian is another matter. Sometimes known as the black cat he started off as an air traffic controller in Haast, back before they had the road through. We are not saying he is an old bastard here. He had a distinquished carreer in Air Traffic control. What that means is no bastard ever run into one another when he was telling them where to go.

He is a bit of a fisherman having learnt the trade from his dad up at Blacks piont just near Reefton. Both he and his dad were among the most successful fishermen in the district account of they had more dynamite than anyone else.

There are still holes in various rivers in the area that they caused that have now become favorite fishing spots for the yuppies.

Ian has progressed somewhat now and has a nine foot Sage Fly Rod. For those that don’t know what a Sage is it is the crème de crème of fishing rods, sort of like what a Rollex is to clocks.

You could say that Ian is a puress when it comes to fishing. He is also a handy bastard to have around when you need a hand putting up tents and stuff

The Blacks now live in Marton and have a bach on Lake Taupo where the sage gets the odd flick.

They have frequented a few Good Bastards Days and certainly add to the quality of attendees.

As parents of two and proud grand parents of three they lead a leasuially life in the town of Marton where Ian has recently scored a job once more in Traffic Controll on the Stop Go sign in their culdasac, keeps him flat out. No finer Air Traffic Controller even held the sign.

Heres to you both.


Mary Teen
Inducted August 8, 2006

Mary Teen is the mother of three boys and three girls, all Good Bastards. Most of who have figured here. Mary and her late husband Murph were the publicans at the Southland Hotel for about twenty years. The Hotel has been in the family for 118 years.

Mary is currently doing a stint in the hospital recovering from a fall and all the Good Bastards send her their best wishes and are willing her a speedy recovery.

In the early formative years of many of the original Good Bastards, Mary was the surrogate mother to us all. She put up with our carrying ons after footy trips, raiding the kitchen and sneaking back into the bar after it was shut.

A happier more pleasant lady you would never find, mind you her boys could test her. For my money I would rate her the consummate publican.

Mary has been to all our Good Bastards Days and we look forward to her attending many more.

Next time your having a drink, dink a toast to Mary Teen, I certainly will be.

Heres to you Mary.


Tania and Mike Alford
Inducted August 8, 2006

Now here are a couple of real Good Bastards. They hail from the mighty South Westland in a town call Whataroa. Mike is the local telephone man, fixing up the faults the length and breadth of South Westland.

Apart from being the mother and caring for two great children, Tania is the barmaid at the Whataroa pub.

Mike and Tarn are part of the original Good Bastards, right at he beginning. The Good Bastard Hilton, which is the catalyst for the whole Good Bastard movement.

Mike and Pat Condon built the Good Bastards Hilton and what a bloody good job they did. You can’t drive a car to it; you can only go by helicopter or by Jet boat. Or a day’s walk. Even then you won’t find it even if you know where it is. Mike and Pat hid the bastard.

Always great company over a meal you won’t get much better than these two.


Ted and Malian Phillipps
Inducted August 8, 2006

Ted and Maliam Phillipps are a two real Good Bastards. I have known Ted since the late seventies and during that time-shared many a laugh and an equal amount of pints.

Ted is one of the most dedicated salespeople I have ever met. His ability to focus on and achieve goals is awesome.

A caring man for his family and his clients alike, you sure know you have a good mate when you are lucky enough to be able to count Ted as one of them as I have.

He and Maliam have a great family of six very fine children.

Ted cut his teeth on the PMA philosophy of W Clement Stone, someone who I also respect to the highest degree. It has contributed to Ted obtaining exemplary honours in the Million Dollar Round table of the Life Insurance Industry and achieving a great number of worthy milestones along the way.

The Phillipp’s live north of Auckland and Ted runs his insurance brokerage business from the Town of Helensvale.

A total convert to the taste of Good Bastards beer, I’m looking forward to many more laughs and many more pints, only now it is with the world’s best beer.

Heres to you Ted and Maliam.


Brian and Veronica Moore
Inducted August 8, 2006

Some times referred to as More or Less and the Red Head from West Melton. These pair of Good Bastards have been around since Jesus put a salary cap on the Apostles.

I think I am related to the Red Head, but sometimes when I get pissed she reckons that’s not the case. Ardent supporters of Good Bastards they attend Good Bastards Days and promote the beer and the books in a grand fashion.

If you are looking to buy or sell real estate in the general area of Merrivale or Fendalton Saint Albans then Brian is your man. You will find him at L J Hooker in Merrivale Christchurch New Zealand. Phone him on 0274 376 993

Veronica is into interior design and can be reached on 03 356 1422

I can’t say too much of an adverse nature here as they probably know more about me than I know about them.

Suffice it to say, they are great company to have a few beers or a meal with and no doubt will be at the Good Bastards functions at QE 11 in September.

I will toast to your good health then and I will do it now.

Cheers, you Good Bastards.

Welcome to the Good Bastard Hall of Fame.


Peter and Trisha Teen
Inducted August 8, 2006

Finally got the photos I wanted of Peter and Trisha getting married. They tied the knot up in Scotland at a Castle and Pete froze his balls off wearing the skirt. Oops sorry Kilt.

Trish and Peter have been living in London for a few years where Trish runs a school and Pete heads up a team of blokes nailing up buildings to stop no hopers squatting.

Saint Pam and I spent a bit of time with Peter and Trish last year. Check out issue 12 click here and read about our great time with these two magnificent hosts.

Peter was the star winger in The Saint Mary’s Team when I was the team manger back in the early seventies. The catch cry back in those days was, Past the Ball to Pete ya Stupid Bastards. Maybe I could write a bit about this Legend in a book sometime.

Peter Teen could always be relied on as a solid performer on the field and off.

A few years ago he met up with Trisha, another real good bastard, and she seems to have corralled him, a task that many thought impossible. It takes a good woman to corral a good man and she certainly fits that description. The word is that this pair of Good Bastards is heading back to New Zealand next year where no doubt they will blend into all things Good Bastard.

I’ll be rasing a toast to your good health any old time now and encourage every other Good Bastard to do the same.

To Trisha and Peter. Cheers.


Nick and Rog
Inducted August 8, 2006

Often referred to as the shock jocks from The Morning Rumble on The Rock, this pair of Good Bastards are great friends to Good Bastards. They, like us, abhor (got that bloody word off Bloody Leo, I use to think he was an All Black) this political correctness bullshit.

You may have heard yours truly on the air with these guys making it abso-bloody-lutly sure that “The old way” the correct way, the only way is being preserved.

Try as they may, these long john wearing, flared nostrils, snot swallowing, dog shit eating snobby bastards are not going to get there own way. They hang around Universities and call them selves Professors. All this means is they profess to know bugger all about the real world, having lived in the realm of theory their entire lives. Some of the bastards teach Solicitors so no more needs to be said really. Nick and Rog are at the forefront along with Good Bastards in sending these bloody aliens back to the asylums they have escaped from.

Don’t forget to listen to them each morning as they take the piss out every bastard who needs the piss taking out of them.


Kurt and Louise Johansen
Inducted August 8, 2006

This week we honour two Good Bastards from Auckland. I first met them last year in Auckland. They are ardent supporters of Good Bastards and contribute heaps of material for the site.

Louise was sixteen when she first met Kurt, he was 21 and just out of hospital from a horrific accident that left him a paraplegic. Young Kurt had an eye for beauty and asked out the sweet Louise who declined.

No was never a good word for Kurt, and after a few more knock backs she eventually consented to a date. They courted for three years when Kurt finally plucked up enough courage to buy an engagement ring. Sweet innocent Louise accepted and in 1972 they married. Against all medical advice they had two beautiful daughters and now three grand kids.

Kurt worked for the North Shore Fire Centre for twenty years. Ten in the control room and ten in the breathing apparatus division.

Now retired he helps Louise with her Cattery Business and generally enjoys life to the hilt.

Louise is also heavily involved with a group called MASC. Mothers Against Sex Crimes.

They drive a 70’s Cadillac called ‘Pru’ and enjoy life up north of Auckland taking it easy by the water and only getting annoyed when some renegade fish bastard chooses to rise to disturb the placid surface.

Congratulations on being admitted to the Good Bastards Hall of Fame.


Kevin and Michele Jaffe
Inducted August 8, 2006

One of the things we do on this site is take the well-deserved piss out solicitors. There are so many of them that unashamedly rip the common punter and Good Bastard off The general consensus of Good Bastards is they should have a tattoo on their foreheads saying, Don’t trust me, I’m a Lawyer Unless they can present a list of at least 80% of their clients that are satisfied they received value for their charges.

There are exceptions, and how refreshing they are when you find one.

One definite such exception is Kevin Jaffe. So much so that Kev was invited to come down to the Good Bastards Hilton with Kerbs, Hyndsie and me. We front down there for a few fantastic days with original Good Bastards Pat Condon and Mike Alford once a year after Good Bastards Day in November.

It was Pat that dubbed Kev the honest lawyer at one of Good Bastard secret business meetings, and it sort of stuck.

Kev is always good for a bit of robust debate and that adds colour to any Good Bastards secret business meeting.

His partner Michele is a journo and can write some pretty good stuff. She’s not too bad at selling Good Bastards beer and is a good looker as well.

I first met Kev in 1980 when he was very much younger and as matter of coincidence, so was I. Kerbs and I were over at his place on Great Barrier Island and the Jaffe family had a retreat next door.

Kev and his brother were down the beach with Kerbs doing something and I was to join them later. I had been the only one to get up at the crack of dawn and go fishing. I was rewarded with a 22-pound snapper for my efforts.

Anyway I had to have a bit of a rest and later when I went to catch up with them, I was walking past Kevs place just as it was starting to catch fire, some sort of stove or heater or something had done something. Another ten minutes and she would have been well alight. It was only small and easy to smother.

Kevin is a quiet but very sincere bloke and it is easy to see why Hyndsie and Kerbs choose him as their solicitor.

Heres to you Kevin and Michele, a couple of real Good Bastards.


Ivan Fearn
Inducted August 8, 2006

As far as Good Bastards go they don’t come much better than Ivan Fern. He’s been the local upholsterer in Hokitika for a long long time. He has always been a Good Bastard to have a beer with and supported the Saints team when it was in all its Glory.

Well last week he hung up his awl and said “Stuff it, I’m not coming in next week. I’ve put enough into this.” And that’s what happened. Paul Madgewick from the Press wrote an article about it and we have put it below along with Paul’s Photo.

Upholsterer closes after 41 years

17 July 2002

The man who has held Hokitika by the seat of the pants for 41 years has finally called it quits.

After 41 years sitting behind a sewing machine in the old Bank of New South Wales building, the bobbins have fallen silent for Ivan “Stuffer” Fearn.

His workmanship has comforted a couple of generations of Hokitika bottoms.

“Some furniture I’ve re-covered a second time around,” he said.

“Shoes, cars, lounge suites, chairs, pants, jackets, bags – you name anything to be sewn and I’ve sewn it. You have to in a small place like this.”

The business Mr Fearn began in 1961 closed with a giant garage sale on Saturday, leaving only a few antiques destined for the Westland Vintage Machinery Museum. The old bank is being cleared out for a copper art business.

Among the antiques is the 100-year-old duel-pedal sewing machine, built by the British United Shoe Machinery Company that he inherited from his predecessor, Oliver’s Upholstery, which operated further along Revell Street.

Mr Fearn learned his trade in Wellington in 1944, but stitching leather was not his first choice of job when he arrived on the West Coast in 1950; that was heating rivets during rebuilding of the Arahura gold dredge. Eventually he set up shop for himself, picking up most of his tools from Oliver’s and taking up residence in the two-storey bank building, which had just been vacated.

When he arrived the bank was still complete with the counters, vault, gold room, and even the bank manager, who was living on the premises while a new bank house was built.

Amid the clutter of machinery, tools, and furniture he kept watch over a changing streetscape for the next 41 years.

In that time the town has re-centred away from the river, and in more recent times has seen an influx of overseas tourists.

“One time a female tourist from Israel walked in off the street with a rip in her pants. She waited in the living room while I stitched them up.”

“I’m going to miss the people walking past every morning calling out, ‘gidday Stuffer’.”


Bill and Pat Levett
Inducted August 8, 2006

You’ve read about Bill and Pat Levett in the book Good Bastards. For starters they all but finish up on the front cover. That hut that we are shooting out of and that dunny that we are firing into; well that belongs to the Levetts.

Bill and Pat owned the Hari Hari Box Factory and Barry Wilson, Nick Hooper, Pat Miners and a bunch of other Good Bastards, all worked for Bill. One day we would down the bush falling timber, the next day we would be in the mill cutting it up and the third we would be in the box factory making butter boxes and whitebait boxes. It was a Butter Box made at Levetts mill that I mentioned my Uncle Jack and Hank ate in a contest in last weeks Good bastards Hall of Fame.

Bill and Pat are now retired and still live in Hari Hari on their farm. I have many very pleasant memories of my working days with Bill and Pat Levett and enjoy calling in and seeing them from time to time on my visits deep into Good Bastards Heartland, South Westland. I stir Bill up about what ever seems to be a bit of an issue at the time and I think he is pleased to see me come and also pleased to see me go.

He had a birthday in the last twelve months, now there is a very safe statement.

Anyway, heres to you Bill and Pat, welcome to the Good Bastards Hall of Fame.


Jack Heveldt
Inducted August 8, 2006

Last week, on Monday the 24th of June, Mum’s brother, my Uncle Jack passed away.

He was in his 90th year, same age as my Mum when she went home. Now if ever there were a hard case Good Bastard, Jack Heveldt would fill the bill.

He was a twin to Hank, an equally hard case Good Bastard who some of you would have read about in the Good Bastards book.

Jack was one of the legendary Whitebaiters in deep South Westland. He fished the Maori River, catching the stuff by the kerosene tin full back in those days. A kerosene tin, for you more recent additions to the planet, holds about 20 kilos.

One night years ago, the brothers Hank and Jack arrived at the Fox pub only to find it all but booked out. Mary Kerr the publican said she only had a single room and that she would only let one of them stay there.

“What’s wrong with you?” asked Jack. “We shared a womb for nine months on another occasion.” They were allowed to share the room.

As young men, Hank and Jack once had a race to see who could eat a wooden butter box first. Jack won. He had a ferocious appetite back in his single larrikin days and was known to eat pretty much anything including curtains, flowers or anything that was handy. I saw him take a bite out of a book once.

If you wanted a good time you couldn’t go far wrong by meeting up with Hank and Jack; two of the best.

Jack played in the Kokatahi Band for years. Now there is another bunch of real Good Bastards. Jack and his dad, pop Heveldt, both played the bones in this world famous old time band. He is survived by his wife, Aunty Monnie, and four others in the family: Kerry, Brian, (Gus) Patricia and Kathleen.

Good onya Jack. I know it would have been a big one when you arrived up there. I think even Uncle Andy would have had a drink. I sure will be having a couple in your honour.


Evan and Jane Birchfield
Inducted August 8, 2006

Every time I come to the West Coast some bastard tells me that Evan Birchfield is a Good Bastard. It’s not that I had to be told. I knew it all along.

Many of you will know Evan as the tank man. You know, the bloke who drives his tank through houses and over cars, and stars on the news and The Good bastards Sixty Minute Show.

Jane is the one responsible for buying him the tank for his fiftieth birthday. What a woman, what a woman indeed. When those Noble scientists get serious about genetically engineering the ideal woman, they should start with Jane Birchfield.

The Birchfield own the biggest gold mine on the West Coast, a place that is better known for mines going bung from blokes who keep digging after the gold has run out. Well, the Birchfield’s have got it right. Jane and Evan are a great team and they have built a sound and strong business.

Well known within their community for their support and generosity for local causes, by any stretch of the imagination they will stand any test of measuring just who is a Good Bastard.


Steve Bennett
Inducted August 8, 2006

I’ve never met Steve Bennett, and yet I know a fair bit about him. You see, Steve was one of the first visitors to the site and has contributed in many ways to the Good Bastards organisation.

He was the very first member in The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards. Not only that, he won the first fifty bucks for our monthly joke competition.

He also won the competition we had to see who could introduce the most people into The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards. He was responsible for ten people enrolling and won the ten six packs of beer. He regularly sends in great gags, many we have used, and others that we’ll use in the future.

You could say he gets behind what we are about. If folk like him, and many others like him, didn’t do this, the whole thing would quickly flounder and fall on its arse.

Steve was born and bred in Brighton, south of Dunedin. He still lives there with his partner Glenys. He works for the lottery grants board and has been there for thirteen years.

He plays a bit of social golf and is keen on fishing, whitebaiting, diving and basically anything that gets him outdoors.

His motto in life is “Life is too short not to enjoy yourself.”

Steve, it gives me great pleasure to welcome you into the Hall of Fame and I commend you on your efforts in supporting us in what you have done.


John and Sue Gibb
Inducted August 8, 2006

John Gibb and I first meet about 1958. The late Jerry Murtha introduced us when we were about 13 years old. He was a good-looking bastard back then, or so the girls told me. Sue tells me he’s a better-looking bastard now. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

John and Sue live in Nelson and are in the fruit business. They have been supporters of Good Bastards all along. They even turned up at a few Good Bastards Days, having said they were coming to them all. John generally has a good gag and like a lot of Good Bastards, intended to enter a few in our competition and never quite got around to it.

John the bastard is a good shot with a rifle and has scared shit out of me on more than one occasion roaring up West Coast Rivers, spotlighting deer at night in his Jet Boat.

When he first got the bastard we tried to learn to water ski, each taking turns at driving. The problem was, it had this huge V8 donk that was far too powerful and would nearly pull your arms out your sockets, and when you hit the water, about 40 gallons would shoot up your arse.

Geez, I was glad we weren’t sheilas.


Bob Stuart
Inducted August 8, 2006

Bob Stuart worked at the Fox Mill about 35 years ago and helped me through a few scrapes. We shared some fairly solid sessions at the Fox Hotel, substantially contributing to their coffers as we sorted out the problems of the day.

In those days Bob had a propensity to get kicked out of the Fox Pub with regular excitement. In fact he scored somewhere in the region of about 20 lifetime bans from the legend of South Westland Hospitality, Mary Kerr. I think I copped a couple myself. So, you can imagine the surprise I got the other day when I walked into the Fox Hotel and asked who was the bar manager as I wanted to sell them some Good Bastards Beer. Bob Stuart fronted up and we both got a hua of shock.

I guess it only goes to show that if you can get enough lifetime bans from a place, you’ll finish up running it.

At a party in the staff quarter’s hut one night way back then, the keg had a bit of a leak and the jug catching it had been kicked over a couple of times. (Not by Bob or me) The hut was awash with grog and Bob decided we should clean it up. So he stuffs off, only to return a few minutes later with a power saw. He starts it up, deafening every bastard, smoke everywhere, stinking to the high heavens, then he proceeds to cut a hole in the floor of the hut to let the excess booze flow out!

The Fox Hotel had a continuous flow of female staff passing through. Something some blokes have never been quite able to drag themselves away from.


The Legends
Inducted August 8, 2006

Back in March I met a heap of real Good Bastards when we had a tent at the Blues Brews and BBQ’s event at Shagley Park in Christchurch.
What made it a rip roaring success was this team of Good Bastards that I had giving me a hand behind the bar.
Not only did these bastards sell one hell of a lot of grog, they are great bunch to work with and highly entertaining.
What made it so entertaining was how courageously these blokes got into chatting up the ladies as each day progressed.
This may have had something to do with the heat; then again it may have been pure courage and testicular valour derived solely from numerous bottles of Good Bastards Beer. It can do that you know.

By the end of each day there were more women in our tent than there were outside. Something like a talent quest with only the best going through to the final.

Now, I have to tell you, there was a fifth Good Bastard who I didn’t get his name as he never came back on the Sunday. Apparently he was corralled, but then that’s only an unconfirmed rumour.

He was a real Good Bastard who worked his arse off. With a bit of luck we can tell you his name in a future issue. In the meantime he’ll be called the Fifth Beatle.


Alan and Patricia Proudfoot
Inducted August 8, 2006

Alan and Trisha are the publicans of the Southland Hotel, home of the Good Bastards Day, the first Tuesday in November.
(You should be there!)

The Proudfoot’s have seen Good Bastards Day evolve from the other side of the bar and we must be doing something right given the amount of tremendous support they give us.
They have been the publicans for over eleven years and manage a staff of over 60 full and part time people.
They are excellent hosts to a number of events including the Sand Dunes Classic, a golf tournament that is played on the beach.
Their hospitality and professional style sees the establishment host many functions including weddings, twenty firsts, family reunions and it’s a popular place to congregate when a Good Bastard has gone home.

They were the first publicans to stock the Good Bastards Beer and they continuously replenish their stock to keep locals and visitors well supplied.

If you’re looking for a comfortable place to stay on the Coast, don’t go past The Southland Hotel.

I’ve enjoyed many a beer with Alan and sure as hell look forward to enjoying a helluva lot more.

P.S. Have you booked your accommodation for the Good Bastards Day yet?


Roo and Marge Curtin
Inducted August 8, 2006

Not many people know that Roo’s real name is Pat. Good name that. Roo and Marge have always been Good Bastards and have been to every Good Bastard event that ever happened. I first met Roo when he was an apprentice builder in Hari Hari and I was working in sawmills. He not only learnt how to build bridges and houses, he also learnt how to drink the odd beer. Well they were all a bit odd in those days, as Good Bastards Beer hadn’t been invented. The Fords beer was very good as was the Tira.

Something about Roo and Marge, that every bastard knows, they don’t seem to get any older. Vern, Roo’s Dad, has the same problem.
By all accounts Roo will still have to pull his drives license out to get a drink until he is sixty or more.

They are a quiet couple, going about their business in an unassuming way, If you’re ever in need of a hand, Roo and Marge are among the first to be there.


Malcolm and Marilyn Patterson

Inducted August 8, 2006

When Malc Patterson puts his mind to something, he is such a positive bastard he makes it happen. Of course this becomes very easy when you have a positive wife such as Marilyn backing you up and sometimes leading you along the way. Back in the heady days of the Saint Mary’s Football club, Malc use to always travel in my car because it was the fastest between pubs. Couldn’t do that now, back in 1974, I had a new Valiant that could fair motor along.

Malc was a labourer up at the dairy factory and he played in the forwards.

He’s now a director of the diary factory and at last count owned three dairy farms. Good bastards too, among the best on the Coast. He is no longer in the forwards.

The Patterson’s are great fans of the Good Bastards day and all things Good Bastards.

Not hard for them to do, as they’re from the original mold of Good Bastards. That makes them very positive Good Bastards.


Gus and Maureen Heveldt
Inducted August 8, 2006

Gus and Maureen Heveldt will come out on a cold night and have a beer. Does that make them piss heads? No it makes them Good Bastards. Regular attendees at the Good Bastards Day, well Gus is and Maureen comes to pick him up and she spends the next four hours getting him to leave.

It’s not that he wants to stuff her around; he’s having so much fun at the great day, why would he or anyone else for that matter, want to go home. Gus has been a tiring worker with the Marist Rugby club and has been a major reason why it is such great club.

He works for the Phoenix Meat Company and his card sez Client Services. Now that could mean just about anything. Who is the client anyway, the cattle or the cocky?

Maureen works for all round Good Bastard Durham Havill in the office of his freight business that I can’t spell. She is a Good Bastard in her own right and does a great job of looking after Gus. A task many others may well shirk. They have four great kids including Hank and Jack the twins.

While it remains to be seen if it is included on this Thursday nights program of sixty minutes, Gus came up with one of his classic lines while the crew were filming a “Secret Good Bastards Meeting” If Sandra Lee was a possum, I wouldn’t dodge her.


Gary and Gloria McGill
Inducted August 8, 2006

Gary, more commonly known as Goog, and Gloria run a Good Bastards pub at Kokatahi inland from Hokitika about 15 minutes drive (depends on hoe thirsty you are).

They have promoted the hell out of Good Bastards Day in their area and always turn up with a good muster from within their clientele. They do this every year at expense to there own custom. Now if that isn’t a Good Bastard act I don’t know what is. This Good Bastards pub is appropriately called the Kokatahi Hotel and was the second pub on the planet to stock Good Bastards Beer. They have a great restaurant and the pub is rich in history. It even gets a mention in the Good Bastards book where one or two of us use to be able to get a drink before we maybe should have about forty years ago.

Goog and Gloria are great Hosts and you can while away an afternoon into the next morning there no trouble at all. Goog can weave a story that will have you engrossed in the very fabric of what Good Bastards is all about.

For visitors to the area, a drive out to Lake Kaniere is a must, then continue the beautiful scenic drive around the lake and into the lush Kokatahi valley and you will find yourself right outside this wonderful establishment, just in time to partake in a cleansing Good Bastards Ale of your choosing.


Alan Absalom
Inducted August 8, 2006

The man behind the Good Bastards Brewery is Alan Absalom. Alan started the brewery several years ago and as a result of a referral from Monteiths when I approached them about a Good Bastards Beer (They didn’t want to know about it) contact was made. All we wanted was to have a beer with our own label for Good Bastards Day.

Alan already had a very successful brand with his totally organic beer Green Fern.

The brewery is called Miners Brewery and its situated in the heart of the town in Westport. Right behind the town clock. For beer orders phone 03 789 8119

Alan advised us that he had two beer recipes that would be suitable for what we wanted. So to sort out which one a series of beer tastings were organised in the North Island and in the South Island. The problem was that both beers were so bloody good that the vote was split evenly down the middle.

So it was decided to run with both the Lager and the Dark.

Then every bastard started to hear about it through the TV, Radio and Newspapers coverage of GOOD BASTARDS DAY and wanted to try it.

Well the rest is History in the making. The beer is penetrating into the market place with new outlets coming on stream every week. Over 40 new ones last week alone.

So heres to you Alan, not only is your beer a Good Bastard, so are you. There is no disputing that.


Peter and Elizabeth McCormack
Inducted August 7, 2006

In the book Good Bastards I wrote the statement that Peter McCormack is the greatest man who ever lived. I meant it then and I mean it now.
Peter had more influence on me as a boy than any other person. So if you don’t like the way I have turned out blame him. Peter and Elizabeth are now retired and live in Christchurch, it is always a great pleasure to catch up with them and hear stories about South Westland and particularly about my Dad and Mum.

Peter spent most of his life as a mountain guide at the Franz Josef Glacier. He has walked literally thousands of miles of ice and mountains and as a boy in the school holidays he would let me tramp along some of his guided tours up the glacier.

He would fill my mind with some of the wildest possibilities and I would live them out in various ways over the ensuing days. Oh, what great times they were. Peter, while never claiming the title or even knowing that he was, was also one of the best salesmen I have ever seen in action.

Man could he sell the story about the Glacier and the Mountains. He even knew the names of all the mountains and used to teach me what they were. Didn’t do much good, I could never remember them. If a tourist would ask me what the names were, I would make them up. My names were better, Mount Condon, Mount Sweeney, even called one Mount Tony after my dog.

Every boy needs a hero, Peter McCormack was mine, still is.


Tim and Sue Teen
Inducted August 7, 2006

Tim and Sue were there at the beginning of Good Bastards and can always be relied upon to do stuff when it’s required.

They have three children and Tim is a painter and plaster while Sue works for an accountant. Tim was a great football player and a formidable opponent if you crossed him. It didn’t take long for opposing players to learn that you played it fair and square with Tim or you copped the consequences. Never a man to start a stoush, but someone who could be generally relied upon to finish it. Having said that, it must be acknowledged that was years ago when Tim was single.

Today he’s a sedate loving family man and well respected businessman around the district.

Good bloke to have on your side just the same.

Here’s to you both. Coupla real Good Bastards.


Rachel O’Teachain
Inducted August 7, 2006

Last years Good Bastards Day coordinator takes the gong this week. For those that were there and experienced the smoothly ran events of the Good Bastards Book Launch and The Good Bastards Day will know that this lady was the one responsible. Rachel has spent the last number of years in Ireland fulfilling a key role within the Digi-phone company.

She is someone who lights up a room when she enters and can add colour to the dullest of days of anyone’s life.
It is positively anticipated that she will be around this year to coordinate our big day in December.

Like her Dad and Mum, she seems to have friends in every corner of the world and they just keep turning up to visit there friend.

Here’s to you Rachel and your catch phrase; when all is against you and its all up hill, rest if you must, but don’t you quit.


Kerry Heveldt
Inducted August 7, 2006

Kerry Heveldt is a Good Bastard. In my opinion one of the most popular blokes on the West Coast. A regular supporter of Good Bastards Day. A great promoter of the Good Bastards Book and a regular buyer of Good Bastards Beer. Says it all really. Kerry has a few business interests; Greenfield Motors in High Street Greymouth. If you are looking for a Jap import, I’m told he is far more competitive than the blokes from over the hill.

If you’re looking for any sort of a vehicle give him a call on.

Also, he has about 80 cars in his New Zealand Rent a Car Franchise; so if you’re looking to hire a car, van or truck, give him a call.

Well known for his generosity and handshake deals, you won’t find a better Good Bastard to deal with.


Pat and Linda Condon
Inducted August 7, 2006

Those of you who have read the Good Bastards book, The Larrikins Guide to Success, will be well familiar with Pat Condon. Pat has played a vital part in my life from as far back as I can remember. He too hails from the mighty Franz Josef and we went through Primary school together. We started off in the same class and then he stole a bit of a march when I failed standard one or year three in the other money. He was the clever bastard. The only reason for that was dumb bastards like me made it look that way.

The bastard has been in front of me ever since. He was one of the wild ones until Linda stepped up to the mark and said “I’ll corral the bastard” At least that’s what I reckon she said.

Corral him she did and she has done a good job of bringing the frisky colt to heel. Pat and Linda, until recently were beef farming down at Franz Josef Glacier and spent around thirty years being good citizens and farmers in that fair town. Pat has been the catalyst in this whole Good Bastard thing. If it wasn’t for his and Mike Alford’s effort in building the Whataroa Hilton, the ideal blokes hut situated way out in the scrub with the only accessible by helicopter or jet boat, then this whole great saga would never have happened.

So, if you want to blame some bastards; blame one Patrick Francis Condon. Named after me as I too am called Patrick Francis, only my parents decided first. That’s what I reckon anyway. Apparently we were both named after a bloody bishop. Sends a shudder up me spine.

God know what it will be doing to the bishop, him knowing that these reprobates adorn his name. Still, on the brighter side, he must have been a larrikin with a name like that.

About 1992/3 Pat & Linda were on the Gold Coast and looked up Saint Pam and I for a few big nights on the piss where the secret hut was discussed in its secret location.

Geez it sounded great, there was no way he was going to keep me away from a visit the following year. Shit it was good. I asked if I could bring a couple of mates the following year. “As long as they’re Good Bastards, don’t want any wankers coming down.” Well the two mates sure qualified as Good Bastards, Hyndsie and Kerbs feature in the book as well as regular mentions within the confines of this medium.

Like most of us Pat has an opinion on pretty much everything, an opinion that can sometimes be at odds with the establishment.
This makes for great debate, especially over a few Good Bastards Beers, which from now on will be the standard drink served at the Hilton.

Good Luck to you Pat and Linda from all the Good bastards in your new home in Nelson.


Alan and Ruth Kerr
Inducted August 7, 2006

I first met Alan and Ruth Kerr in 1979 when I was promoting the American motivational speaker Earl Nightingale on a tour throughout New Zealand. We became good friends and it was at that time they introduced me to their friends John and Leonie Hynds. It was to be a friendship that endured and is even stronger today than it was back then.

John, Alan and I formed a business alliance helping one another figure out how to help one another in business. We met every fortnight with this specific objective in mind. It proved to be highly worthwhile process and one that we still continue today even though it is not quite as intense.

Geez we use to give each other curry if we hadn’t carried out our commitments. We still do for that matter.

Alan was at the very first Good Bastards Day when about ten of us had a few beers at the Southland Hotel. He has been dedicated to our cause of good humour, a good time and good matesmanship ever since. He has contributed tremendously to the growth of Good Bastards and it definitely wouldn’t be the same without him. He and Ruth head up a Franchise Network of Jewellery shops called Christies Jewellers throughout the North Island, no better place to buy a watch or a ring.

Ruth is a very special person in her own right. She is a modern day Florence Nightingale. A dynamic businesswoman, a fantastic mother and a devoted partner to Alan. (Not necessarily in that order.) I am proud to say I know Ruthy and even prouder to say she is my friend.

Both Ruth and Alan are known for their affable personalities. All who know them would agree they are more than acquaintances; they sure are a treasure in our lives. Two bloody Good Bastards; there is no disputing that.

I doff my hat to you both, tilt a glass in your honour and always will.


Leo and Katie McIntyre
Inducted August 7, 2006

Well, well, well it’s time to wheel out a few home truths about Leo and Katie.

The pure facts of the matter are that Leo can be a grumpy bastard and Katie has to be a saint to put up with him. I’m sure she loves him dearly, as we all do, and enjoys his dry humour that travels just below his grumpiness. Now I’ve known Leo for about thirty years and I reckon Leo has everyone bluffed except me! You see he is not really a grumpy bastard at all. I’ve seen him growl at people over the littlest thing and then they scurry away out of sight to get out of the wroth of Bloody Leo.

In fact all those around him then give him a wide berth, except old Paddy. I’ve always been one to enjoy the storm from the bow of the boat. I sit there and watch him and the sly grin that cracks in front of his teeth and doesn’t quite slip through to the lips. And I think “Leo, you bloody bastard” (Hence my christening him Bloody Leo) and I have a smile to myself at how he has bluffed his way to maintain his quiet serenity. You see he is basically a quiet bastard and enjoys his own company and sometimes doesn’t like to be disturbed while sitting in a crowd.

Next time you experience the wroth of Leo, call his bluff when he growls, for it is right here you go into the most interesting phase of all. That of the big debate with Bloody Leo.

Many folk, having decided that Bloody Leo is a grumpy bastard also decide that he is a bit of a dumb bastard. Not true. Any one who can find twenty million litres of milk interesting has to be a half smart bastard. (Leo is the chemist at the Milk Powder Factory. New Zealand’s most successful and only independent Dairy factory.)

If you’re game, you can have a bloody good debate about absolutely anything. In fact you can have a debate with him about nothing at all. I know because I have done it. You have to have your wits sharpened for any such an occasion or Leo will tie you up with logic you have never thought of. The outcome is generally one of two. Either Leo won or it’s a stand off. I have beaten him a few times and he sure as hell has beaten me. Such wins on either front don’t happen very often and are cause for much celebration. Win, loose or draw the positive of this world will find it a stimulating experience.

Despite all that Leo and Katie are part of the original Good Bastards and have been part of making our Good Bastards Days the great success they have been. I thank them for that and for being great friends over the many years we have known them.

A special thanks to Leo for being such a “Good Target” for these bulletins. Without him to take the piss out of God knows who I could pick on who has a big enough heart to take it.


Bill Condon
Inducted August 7, 2006

W P Condon, also known as Bill, is the original Good Bastard, Coming up 88 in May this year; he is the patron of Good Bastards. Also famous for being the father of Pat Condon and his three sisters Rose, Carmel and Jennifer and husband to Molly.

I have known Bill since as far back as I can remember. He too hails from the mighty Franz Josef where he was a prominent grazier and I was, by many folks estimation, a spade short in the tool shed. Not that that should reflect on Bill in any way. With Molly, he now lives in Hokitika and enjoys an occasional glass of the great Grouse Whisky.

Bill has been frequenting the Good Bastards Days from the beginning and everyone enjoys his company and wit. He has many a great tale to tell about his days in South Westland and we all like to hear them. I called on him last week and left him with a six-pack of Good Bastards Dark Ale.

“Just what I need to get me fit enough to make the journey to Nelson and see Pat and Linda’s new house.” He told me.

Bill Condon is a living legend and a thorough gentleman. And by the powers he’s a Good Bastard.

Congratulations on being admitted to the Good Bastards Hall of Fame.


Paul and Jane Teen
Inducted August 7, 2006

Ball and Chain as I affectionately call them have attended more Good Bastards Secret Business Meeting with Saint Pam and myself than anyone else on the planet. Well Paul and me anyway. Paul was a driving force back in our good old Saint Mary’s Rugby days. Shit did we have some fun along with a few hundred or so other Good Bastards.

Back in the early seventies it was Paul that became the Legend with all his antics when he was at the Helm of the Southland Hotel.

As Hutch says Jane is like a rock in the river, whether there is a flood or its drying up she doesn’t get flustered, just takes it all and manages the Larrikinism as best she can.

In the two or three years they were living on the Nora J at Dockside in Brisbane we went on many Good Bastards Sailing exhibitions. Boy were they a hoot. (Remember Kevin from Heaven up at Mooloolaba and all the Good Bastards turned up?) And what about “Bloody Graham?”

Then you upped anchor and stuffed off up through the Straights of Malacca and listened to Pat Boone singing Moon River.

You know that really pissed me off. I was beginning to think it was my Yacht. Now as previously reported in this forum, you have joined in the hunt for Sommer Bin Laden, taking the vessel to assist with proccedings. Still, if you get into strife, you have the crown prosecutor from Wellington, Geoff Agnew on board to create a bit of Law and Order.

And don’t underestimate that Johnny Roberts if the pirates turn up! Congratulations on being admitted to the Good Bastards Hall of Fame.


John and Leonie Hynds
Inducted August 7, 2006

Without the encouragement of John Hynds there would have been no Good Bastards Book and probably no Good Bastards Beer and no Good Bastards Web page. So if you want to blame some bastard, blame Hyndsie

Let me tell you something here; when Hyndsie gets on your case there is no retreat. Watch what you say in front of him because he will be on your story pronto to make sure ‘you’ make it happen. John and his good wife Leonie hail from Auckland and have a little concrete company that employs around 400 people called Hynds Pipe Systems. They pretty much operate throughout New Zealand. John started off as a labourer with Humes and now he has a company that’s bigger than them. Humes are publicly owned, the Hynds Company is privately owned. That tells you something.

He hasn’t done it all by himself, Leonie has been a vital force in building this magnificent company to where it is today. And now their sons Aaron and Adrian have critical roles within the company while John and Leonie take the hammer off the pedal and take life a little bit easier.

Now if that’s not a good success story I don’t what is.


Gary and Bev Hutchison
Inducted August 7, 2006

These two have done more for the continuation and development of Good Bastards than any one I know. They have unswervingly been behind the whole concept before the concept became a concept.

It would be fair to say they have enticed, cajoled, and talked more people into coming to Good Bastard days than any one else. They have contributed far and away beyond what is expected of being a Good Bastard.

Congratulations on being admitted to The Good Bastards Hall Of Fame. Further to that they are our very first to receive the award. There is no one more deserving to be in the number one spot.